Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
