Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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