he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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