He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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