If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
