Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
