I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
