My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
