Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
