I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
