is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
