Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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