But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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