is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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