I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Randomize
