I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
