He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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