Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
