there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
