Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
