Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
