sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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