just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
