The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
3pm strippers are depressing
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
