I hate all girls vehemently.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
