Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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