So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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