Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I deserve this hangover.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
