and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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