Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just cropdusted the office
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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