i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
well you can't waste a boner
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
