Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
