Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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