There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she peed on how many people?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
