Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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