Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
