its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
