advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
