Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
