I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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