We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
