Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
