he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
