Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
