I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
