that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
