Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize