don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
