the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
