And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
