everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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