At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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