i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
