I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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