Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
