I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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