I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
