she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize