I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
