I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
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Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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