She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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