We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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