You're so nebulous sometimes
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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