my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
