the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
