Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
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