She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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