well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
