I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
