The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
