He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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