i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
