rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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