Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
