So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
