So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
