I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
