I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
