He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
